Cartman in Counseling
by KyleRocks1995
Summary: Lately, Eric Cartman's been having serious anger issues. Thankfully, he is placed into counseling to deal with his monstrous behavior. Does it work long term? Rated T for strong language and graphic scenes of Cartman’s outbursts. IN PROGRESS
1. 1

Cartman in Counseling: Part 1

———

(It's summer, and everyone at South Park Elementary is attending the annual Race-a-fun to fundraise for the senior nursing homes and their patients. Stan's gang is there, with him, Kyle, Cartman, Kenny, and Butters also in there.)

(As the camera slowly zooms into the scene, the announcer says "Welcome to the annual Race-a-fun at South Park Elementary! Join us in fundraising to help give elderly people the care they need! Admission fee is only five dollars!")

Kenny (eating some watermelon) Mmm mmm. This watermelon is delicious. (spits out seeds on to the floor)

Butters (also eating watermelon and looking at Kenny): I agree, dude! Watermelon is super tasty. Perfect for the summer heat!

Cartman: KENNY! You're messing the floor up you little douchebag!

Kenny (starts crying and walks away) Whah!

Butters: What the fuck, Cartman? It's gonna get sweeper up! It's okay!

Stan (also eating watermelon) Cartman? CARTMAN? You made my friend Kenny cry? What was that for?

Cartman: See this, Stan? Because Kenny spat out watermelon seeds all over the floor! (lifts up his own paper plate, with his name written on it) and I just found out that this was MY PLATE!

Butters: My plates a good nutrition program my fella.

Stan: Yeah. My Plate. You should check out their food pyramid.

Cartman: But this means Kenny ate all my watermelon! He's a douchebag!

Stan: More like you're the douchebag, Cartman.

Cartman: Well, that does it you little soyboy faggots! Imma find Kenny before the marathon starts!

Butters: Cartman! Get yer life together!

(Meanwhile, Kenny is doing some warm ups with Kyle and the kids before the marathon. Kenny, due to his clumsiness, struggles with these exercises quite a bit.)

Coach: Okay kids, let's do some push ups. Here we go!

(Kenny tries to do a push-up but falls down on his tummy. His hands and limbs don't always have much strength in them, especially from his family's poverty diet. Thankfully, Kyle encourages him to keep trying. Though Kenny is slow at this, he succeeds.)

Kyle: Good job, Kenny! (gives Kenny a high five)

Kenny: Woohoo! I did push ups!

Coach: Now we move on to... hey, does anybody know where Eric Cartman went? Eric? Eric?

Clyde: The obese kid who punched my arm yesterday on the playground?

Nathan: The jerk who stole my milk money?

Timmy: car toe man? Argh! No!

Jimmy: the kid that pretended to be disabled to make me lose?

(In Kyle's mind, a flashback of the episode "Cartman Joins the Special Olympics" comes on screen. We see "disabled" Cartman with his mom at the Special Olympics entry table and hear Cartman going "Der! Der!" Flashback ends and we zoom out of Kyle's mind).

Stan: Listen up, everybody! Cartman's behind Kenny! Look! (points at Cartman, who's sneaking up behind Kenny's back)

(crowd turns their heads towards Cartman)

Kenny (turns had towards Cartman) Mrph mmm mm mph... Hmph?! (shivers)

Cartman: Just what you deserve, you little fucker! (Cartman pulls down Kenny's hood, exposing his full head. Cartman also punches Kenny on the right shoulder and kicks his left arm)

Kenny: AHH!!! (starts crying and screaming in pain, with tears)

(nurses and coach rush to pick up Kenny by his legs and back, since his arms hurt, and they send him to the nurses office to treat his bruises.)

Kyle: Oh my god, you punched Kenny! You're the - Cartman? CARTMAN?!

(Cartman pulls his greasy tee shirt off and runs towards the serving table, topless) YOU DESERVE IT YOU FILTHY JEW!

(Cartman goes into complete rage mode, running on all fours and squealing like a pig around the gymnasium. Cartman also flips over the serving table, knocking down whole watermelons and spilling water onto the ground. Everyone is panicking, screaming and dialing the authorities against Cartman.)

Kyle: Jesus fucking christ! Cartman is destroying stuff!

Butters: Cartman don't know how to be good.

Stan: At least I hope my friend Kenny is okay. He got punched by him hard.

(Cartman knocks down and breaks several mugs from a bazaar table, running around like a pig just like from the episode "Shots!!!". Students continue panicking and screaming for help.)

Stan: Cartman should seriously get into My Plate to burn off all that fat.

Butters: No he shouldn't! If Cartman was skinny...

Kyle: Then he would be more aggressive.

(Suddenly, as Cartman is about to pull Mr. Garrison's jacket off, Cartman's armpits are caught by a coach.)

(At this point, Cartman is restrained and carried into an ambulance by several people, is shot with a tranquilizer, and is driven to the ER.)

-


	2. 2

(Meanwhile, Kenny is at the nurses office. His parka is taken off, and his bruises are blanketed by bags of frozen peas. He is comforted by the nurse, and by Butters telling jokes to him, making him giggle.)

Butters: Alright Kenny. What's black, white, and spins fast? A zebra rolling down a hill!

Kenny (laughs softly and smiles) That's really cute, Butters.

Butters: Now, what is mean, acts like a pig and carries a lot of blubber?

Kenny: Cartman?

Butters: That's correct! Cartman's a big fat filthy pig!

Kenny (laughing) I agree, Butters!

(Meanwhile, at Kyle's house, Kyle, Stan, and Ike are watching some TV. They were watching Terrance and Phillip until an involuntary warning message goes on screen.)

Terrance and Phillip (on TV): Yah-ha ha ha ha!

(suddenly, the show cuts out and the screen turns to static for a second, then becomes an emergency broadcast with creepy repetitive beep sounds.)

Stan: What's going on?

Ike: I'm scared.

Kyle: Oh great, Terrance and Phillip just cut out.

(The warning message on the TV says: WARNING TO ALL RESIDENTS OF SOUTH PARK: There have been recent reports of a local boy who is a present threat to himself and others. He destroys property and physically attacks people frequently. He is currently in a mental institution to get help.")

Kyle: Holy shit.

Stan: Who are they talking about?

(The warning message further says: "The boy is identified as Eric Cartman, and over 32 children at South Park Elementary have been harassed, attacked, or hurt by him the past month. He is classified as mentally unstable and with a social conduct disorder. He is not good around adults and harasses them. If you have any reports of seeing him, please dial (phone number). Thank you and have a nice day.")

Kyle: At least Cartman's in the nuthouse now.

Ike: Cart man bad boy!

Stan: Yeah. What's a... what's a s-social conduct disorder?

Kyle: Basically, it's like Cartman can't properly follow people's demands, and flips his shit over everything. He gets really angry with people and gets himself into serious trouble all the time.

Stan: Like that time his mommy didn't buy him an IPad...

(a flashback from "Human Cent IPad" appears in Stan's mind. In this scene, Cartman openly threatens to have his mom "fuck" him inside a public hardware store, and cartman is crying and complaining in the car with his mom after the incident. Flashback ends.)

Kyle: That was awful, Stan. Cartman got into so much trouble with Dr. Phill, his own mom, the cops... everybody in South Park.

Ike: doc taw fill?

Kyle: Yes, Ike. Doctor Phil. That guy who talks to people with serious family issues on live TV.


	3. 3

-

Cartman in Counseling Part 3

(Meanwhile, at Kenny's house, Stuart and Carol are taking off Kenny's parka. Kenny is moaning and crying as they take his parka off, especially if anyone presses the bruises on his arms.)

Kenny: (morning and crying) Ow! Wah!

Kenny's mom: It's okay, Kenny. You're almost out of this parka! (pulls Kenny's arm away from another sleeve) Good boy.

(And no, Kenny isn't ripped apart or anything like that. His arms are just moved out of those sleeves, that's all.)

Kenny's dad: Alright Kenny! Woohoo! You did it!

Kenny: (moans) Uh, thanks mommy and daddy. Do I get a (cough) prize?

Kenny's mom: Yes, you get this comfy blanket. It's from the dollar store and was only five bucks.

(Kenny is on his bed, with his parka off, as Karen makes him some canned vegetable soup. She heats it up in a mug, in the microwave for about thirty seconds. She takes out a spoon and walks towards Kenny's room.)

Karen: So Cartman made you feel all yucky again.

Kenny: Yeah. (coughs and sniffles) He sure (cough) did.

Karen: That's why I made you some soup. It's cooled down now, so it won't burn your mouth.

Kenny: (coughs) Thank you Karen (sniffles).

(Kenny's arms hurt too much. Although Kenny can still use his arms, they feel weak and hurt. For this reason, Kenny currently cannot do many tasks, like feeding himself, writing, or doing his parka. Thankfully, Karen feeds him his soup by spoon.)

Karen: Open wide, Kenny! Say ah! (lifts spoon towards Kenny's mouth)

Kenny (opens mouth) Ah. (chews and swallows soup)

Karen: Good job, Kenny. You're the best big brother I could have.

————-

(Meanwhile, at the nuthouse Cartman is in, Cartman is taking group therapy with other kids and a group therapist. He and the therapist are playing a card game about feelings.)

Therapist (reading words on her current game card) So, your best friend accidentally breaks your favorite video game. How should you react?

Cartman (raises hand) By hitting them with a mallet! Or just buy that game again.

Therapist: Uh, sorry, fat boy. By being kind to them and knowing they accidentally lost your game. You forgive them.

Cartman: Shut up, ya ugly-

Therapist: Next card. So you're at the doctors office and have to get vaccines. How should you-

(Cartman cringes, having a "Shots!!!" flashback about the doctors office, and then starts yelling "NO!!" and begins squealing like a pig again. Cartman also runs on all fours to his bedroom, tearing off his bedsheets and punching his mattress to vent his stress.)

Therapist: Oh no, here we go again! Cartman? CARTMAN?!

Cartman (squealing like a pig) SHUT UP, bitch! That card game is for babies!


	4. 4

-

(Warning: This chapter has Cartman using very racist insults against the therapist, the therapist also being racist, and Cartman getting violently beat up. This may disturb some readers. And he makes more pig noises too.)

(Cartman is still freaking out on his hospital bed, making pig noises, having a flashback of having his flu shots earlier. The card game aggravated him greatly, and he is hiding himself underneath the sheets.)

Cartman: Great. Hope that fat smelly blackberry won't find me. She's uglier than Randy Marsh's asscrack or hairy legs.

Therapist (pounces at Cartman's bed, grasping him by the shoulders) Get yo' morbidly obese ass cheeks over here right now! Or I'll smack yo' ass hard!

Cartman (screaming and wriggling in pain, as she clutches his armpits) Where did ya come from, you stinky brown turd? Cause niggas don't do shit!

(The therapist slaps the living daylights out of Cartman's buttocks and face. She slams his face against the wall, giving him bruises, broken teeth, and a bloody nose.)

Cartman: AHH!!! What's that for, ya bitch?

Therapist: Cause you're a nasty little racist cracker! Your white ass mom failed you so hard!

(the whole incident is caught by the camera in Cartman's bedroom cell, and a scared worker, hiding somewhere in the nuthouse's basement, decides to put it on the internet, leaking it online.)

Therapist: That's what ya get for the bullshit that came outta yo' mouth! Ya hate me cuz I'm black? Well, that's bullshit you dumbass!

Cartman: Quit it you nigger faggot!

Therapist: You're the cracker jew!

Random Worker (live-streaming the incident on the internet since 13 minutes ago when it started, with over 230 people watching it. He writes this comment down about himself on the livestream.): "Jesus fucking christ. I'm thinking about retiring from this terrible nuthouse... early. But if I quit, I'll lose my wage of three dollars an hour. At least I also work as a warehouse guy and a barber. On the warehouse job, I get six dollars, on the barber job, I get three dollars..."

(A random person starts to comment on this worker's livestream. The user says: "That's sad! Hope you get outta this nuthouse real soon, and hope the other workers don't find out bout' this whole situation. Peace out."

——————————

(Meanwhile, Cartman and the therapist are still fighting.)

Cartman: Ahh! Get away from me, bitch!

Therapist (punches Cartman on his arm) And that's what ya get for beating up Kenny Mccormick! Shame on you and your fat blubber ass! I wish your mom was in one of our prisons right now, cause she's stupid as fuck!

Therapist (dials phone): Hello, this kid is refusing to play a game. Get him his medication now, cause he won't cooperate with me nor the kids.

(Later, Cartman is restrained by 2 staff workers, and is given a dose of medicine orally. The medicine is made to stabilize his mood.)

Staff Worker #1: Alright buddy, this medicine will fix yer mood up real fast. If you don't notice any difference in your mood, talk to the doc later on.

Cartman (traumatized and stuttering by what the therapist did to him earlier): Oh... o-okay. B-but we're s-still l-little assholes... aren't we? C-cause I w-wanted to s-stop playing that s-stupid c-card game.


	5. 5 (02-22 18:52:21)

-

(Later at night, Kenny is tucked into bed. Butters sings him a sweet song that he heard on the radio, "A Horse With No Name" by . Butters also gets a glass of water for Kenny to drink before bedtime.)

Butters (pouring some cold water into Kenny's cup): You see, I've been through the desert on a horse with no name, it felt good to be out on the plain...(walking to Kenny's room) In the desert, you can't remember your name, cause there ain't no one for to give you no name... Hi Kenny, how ya doin'?

Kenny (smiles and coughs): Mrph mrph mrph mrph! I feel a little better. Water, please, cause I'm thirsty.

Butters: Good to hear that, Kenny. (hands Kenny his cup) Easy does it, boy, easy does it...

Kenny (drinking his water until his cup gets empty): Yeah. Cartman is a stinky, fat, filthy pig.

Butters: Yeah! Oink oink oink! Imma little piggy, and here's my snout, oink oink oink, oink oink oink!

Kenny (smiles and laughs, claps): Yeah! Woohoo! oink oink oink! (coughs and calms down) Now that was funny!

—————————

(Over at the mental hospital, Cartman is chained to his bed. Some visitors, Nathan, Cassie and Mimsy, are here to visit him.)

Mimsy: Uh, hi there, lady! It's me, Mimsy, with my friends Nathan and Cassie... der!

Nathan (does not slap Mimsy this time, or else Nathan would become a nuthouse patient too): Ah, shut up, Mimsy. This is my friend, and his name is Mimsy. That black lady over there? Her name is Cassie. Me and Mimsy are both handicapped. We're here to visit Eric Cartman.

Admission Lady: Uh, are you related to him?

Nathan: Uh, no. But Cartman's mom invited us over to give him company. Her name is Liane Cartman.

Mimsy: Yeah, and she don't wanna come over here. Liane's too busy, der! She's painting another picture of her son right now! Der!

(The admission lady let's them in, since they got permission from Mrs. Liane. Mimsy and Nathan bring in the bags of gifts for the nuthouse patients from Cassie's car, as Cassie introduces herself to some patients.)

(Outside the nuthouse, Nathan and Mimsy are holding two bags of food donations for the nuthouse chefs. These foods include canned beans, pasta, some fresh fruits and vegetables, canned meat like ham and chicken, and some canned stews.)

Nathan : Oh... oh sweet fucking Jesus, that fucking hurts. My arms are so sore... all those years of physical therapy aren't doing me service this time.

Mimsy: Yeah, and you helped me and Cassie pick all that food out! Whole wheat spaghetti, canned bacon loaves, canned taco meat, taco shells, spinach, lettuce, cans of minestrone soup...

Nathan: Just don't break the taco shells, or this nuthouse will get even more mad!

Stay tuned for the next chapter. What should happen next?


End file.
